one thing leads to another.

relationship had been tough these days.
misunderstood, curiousity, arguments...
ohh long distance relationship really challenges me.
my oh my, if only we can see each other everyday....

on the other hand, still cant deciding to go or not to go.
after seeing him last week, i thought of just go there,
do my thang, then just go back.
his family? just greet, salam, some talk..daaa

but come to think of it one by one.
it wouldnt be that easy, wouldnt they?

i mean. this is my first. my first time ever.
seriously, am i ready?
urghh why am i taking very big deal on this..
wwhhhhhhyy i cant just relax and just go?
sigh i know i make him sad yesterday when i said
i might cancel the plan..
huhuhu..even now he cheer up again, i still can feel
the dissappoinment.

and now he already give it up on me.
and this is one thing that dissappoints me too.
it would be alot easier if we can discuss face to face.
rather than just over the phone.
if he angry i will bring myself closer to him.
if im angry he will bring me closer to him.
cause whatever happen im the fragile one.
i will be the one to start crying...
huhu well it should be that way...i think..

for now. need to study study study.
whether im going or not going, still need back up plans..
wanna istikharah but it is that time of the month..

God show me the way huhuhu

uhh ahh ahhh

masa-masa nak berjihad
bukak notes/blog/sale,,
mase ni lah gigi nak sakit amat sangat.
nak tumbuh gigi la yang hujung-hujung tuh,
dua-dua belah, yaaaa sakit yang amaaaatt ):
bagi lah aku kekuatan ya tuhaaann.
tak selesa ni..
gusi bengkak sebelah, so tak boleh tutup
mulut rapat-rapat..
nanti sebelah bergesel sebelah tak..
bila tidur, jadi tak sedar, tahu-tahu je berlaga
gigi atas bawah....
waaaa berdenyut....
apasal aku cerita semua kat sini?
saje dah takde tempat nak mengadu,
kawan aku semua balik...
adoooooiiiiiii ))):

wawasan, cheh!

aku tak peduli
kau nak jadi nakal ke, stylo ke, sosial ke, skema ke.
aku tak kesah
kau nak rempit ke,
awek keta ke, kaki clubbing ke.
aku tak heran
dengan sape kau kawan,
kat mane kau lepak.
aku tak nak amek tau.

aku nak usaha usaha usaha.
aku nak kejar balik hidup yang
aku tercicir.

aku tak nak hidup menghitung nasib lagi.
kalau setahun lepas boleh, kenape sekarang tak boleh?
aku kena paksa diri, paksa paksa paksa paksa!
wish me luck fellow friends,
im getting back on track.

screwed

bff saya balik cuti untuk 5 hari tapi saya dapat jumpe die sehari saje, itupun selama beberapa jam sahaja. telah membuat banyak keputusan yang salah dalam mase beberapa jam itu.

awak saya duduk kat bus stop tu bukan tunggu bus,
tapi kaki saya menggeletar nak jalan.
sigh i hope you read this. );

haih banyak benda nak tulis, pasal kawan-kawan, pasal hati aku,
pasal nak menasihat, nak mengingatkan diri sendiri,
sebab dah banyak sangat tangguh, sampai dah tak tertulis lagi kat sini.

aku lebih suka membaca dari menulis.

mungkin itu alasan sesuai kenapa aku tak dapat nak skor markah tinggi-tinggi
bila jawap soalan esei kan.
sebab aku pandai baca buku tapi tak pandai nak tulis apa yang dah dibaca
dalam kertas jawapan.
haih tertekan.

final dalam 2 minggu sahaja lagi dan satu lagi dilema dalam minggu exam ni.

5hb 11 paper genomic,
14hb 11 konvokesyen poji,
16hb, 17 hb, 18hb, paper ekologi, fisiologi, analisis molekular.
semua paper esei, semua kena baceeeeee.....

subjek multimedia je takde paper.ini tak penting.

yang penting nak pergi ke tak konvo tuh.
nak ke tak.
pergi ke tak.
); kenape kenape kenape timing tak best gila macam ni?
huhuhuhu dah plan nak pergi konvo die sejak 2nd year kot.
huhu petunjuk tolonglah petunjuk.

i hate myself

today is actually keusahawanan day and library open day in UM.
i had been wanting to go to those two event,
i think i already made everyone near me know that i want to go,
and would kindly ask me to follow incase that they will be going there.
but no one ask me.
im sad because i never mis going to keusahawanan @ apk day every year.
well actually this year is the third one.
and the last one since ill be graduating next year );
and i missed it ))));

i NEED to go to library open day because,
for strong reason i want to pay the debt (HAHA) that i have for
returning the book late last semester.
and since its open day they give 50% discount.
and of course being me (cheapo) i hate the fact that now i need to pay full,
but i dont know how much i need to pay actually.hihihihi

why i just dont go there by myself?
cos i thought at least one person will text me, call me, or anything.
but nobody do.
im a fool.
fool enough....

pissed off yet nobody will say sorry, coz nobody know..

on the other hand, anyone here ever heard of flash?
had tried adobe flash cs4?
a geek of multimedia?
PLEASE CONTACT ME ASAP.
as if anyone will.

i dont know why i cant sleep..
maybe i overslept on the evening, hence the active body.

but my mind is numb. i have so much things to do, yet
sit still, lazying, not knowing what to do. been like this since 10++pm..

before that i did some thesis's work..

haih. im missing the heroes..

went through the pictures from camera,

and i am sad.yes i am.
and this explains the pictures.

inikah cinta.

tak tahu nak start dari mana, tentang apa, sejak bila.
yang saya tahu, saya telah, sedang, dan akan selalu sayang awak.

penghujung september 2006, awak mula-mula sekali approach saya.
dengan rendah diri yang sangat amat sampai saya ingat awak ni pelik ke ape,
awak tanya boleh tak nak kawan dengan saya.
saya kate ye, tak kisaaah..
masa tu tak pernah jumpe, tak dengar suara, tak tahu awak sape.
bila saye tanya dari mane kenal saya.
ohh awak kawan kepada kawan saya.

masuk oktober kita makin rapat.
and officially together somewhere in the middle of the month, tapi
kita masing-masing tak tahu tarikh.
yelah, sampai sekarang, kita tak boleh nak pilih tarikh.

kenapa kita tak ingat? tak penting ke?
entah. mungkin kita masing-masing tak betul-betul serious.
mungkin kita tak amik kisah.

jadi setiap tahun kita sambut ulangtahun untuk sebulan.
2007, awak ulang alik cheras um. 2008, awak ulang alik bangi um.
tapi tahun ini lain.sebulan ini belum tentu lagi dapat jumpa.
last kita jumpe 3 bulan lepas, tapi kita sama-sama usaha,
supaya pandangan kita tak terlepas.

tiap-tiap hari cakap rindu, tiap-tiap hari bisik sayang.
sampai naik jemu, sampai naik muak.
tapi awak pujuk saya, untuk tunggu, untuk sabar.
sekarang saya dah pandai pujuk hati sendiri, jangan manja, jangan lemah.

satu masa dulu kita tak serapat sekarang.
kita tak cerita hal keluarga, hal peribadi, hal duit, hal kawan.
tapi sekarang apa lagi yang kita tak tahu.
kalau tak paham, bukan sebab tak tahu, tapi tak ingat.
bukan sebab tak kisah, tapi hal lain tak sepenting hal kita berdua.

saya nakal, awak tahu.
awak nakal, saya tahu.
awak kata jangan, saya kata kenapa.
saya kata jangan, awak kata takde pape.

3 tahun awak di samping saya, 3 tahun awak melayan saya.
3 tahun awak bersabar dengan saya, 3 tahun awak hidup memujuk saya.
dah berapa banyak ringgit awak labur pada saya.
dah berapa titik air mata awak tumpah kerana saya.

awak yang terbaik saya ada.
awak hilang, saya tak kan ada.

selamat ulang tahun awak.
sayang awak jugak.

hero (:

matlab finally successfully installed!!
wah bahagianya bangat sih!!!
thanx to my hero of the day, mr u-know-who-u-are,
senyum sorang-sorang lah tu kan?
haha thanks yeh.
maaflah saya takde duit nak belanja awaklah.
nanti saya bawak balik kuih raya k?
hehe (:

help!

anyone can help me install matlab into my computer and the lab's computer?
bodoh azie mesti lah tak de sape nak tolong kat sini huhuhuhu
benciiiiiiiiiiiiii ):
nampaknya bayang-bayang azab akan datang
tension lah.
why why why?

puan sorayya ):

i

i have no idea of what is happening in my life recently.
seems like time flies so fast than ever,
even the words coming from my mouth are not hundred percent from the heart.
i even dont manage to think twice.

and somehow, i dont feel sorry.
some how im getting mean day by day.

and about last night, for the person who know me top to toe,
but i realised she doesnt really know me in and out,
im sorry. im sorry if am hurting you, saying words without thinking how you would feel,
but that is what i feel. we know each other for too long, but somehow,
now we dont really understand each other anymore.

you almost reach where you should belong,
a stage we dream of when we still naive about this world.
the dream that we choose to prove to others,
the dream that we hold close to each other,
but now that you manage to make it real, and i am not.
you make our dream come alive,
but without me.
of course i am happy for you.
but bit by bit, i do feel left out.
i feel that you enjoying it without me.
i know very little of you ever since you touching your dream.

again, im saying those words that now i realised im hurting you.
im sorry, im very very sorry.
im sad and you not here to comfort me.
im left.

if any of you dont get what this mean, please dont ask what it is.
this is me.